Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Different

Sunday afternoon my daughter and I attended her friend's birthday party.

She was the only blue eyed, blonde hair girl there.

She was the only completely white kid there.

And I wonder if she notices these things.  Does she know that none of the kids look like her? Does she understand that not everyone speaks like her?

At school a little girl asked her "What is applesauce?"

I'm the parent that packed my kid a weird lunch with strange foods.

And I think perhaps my child does know these things because she asked for a rice ball in her lunch.

I grew up in a small town where we had one family that was black.  One family.  A mixed family. They still live there.  I never thought anything about race, but with each new candle we put on my child's birthday cake, I wonder more and more what it was like for those kids to grow up being the only minority. Because my daughter is growing up as the outsider.

It's hard to put into words race and white privilege when you live in Tokyo.  Many times I feel privileged.  People think I am a tourist and are welcoming.  On the playground mothers and children go out of their way to give in to my child.  We are given random gifts on the train.  I have a pass to mess up the unspoken customs.  I can bend the rules because I am the stranger and do not know better.

And other times I feel completely lost and invisible.  It's like I don't exist here.  I go to the store and the cashier will ask me a question I've not heard before. I feel stupid.  Everything I have learned about buying groceries is gone, and I stand speechless and make guesses to the answer of the question.  I am hopelessly confused as to what I did wrong. I answered the question wrong and did not get a bag for my groceries. I feel foolish as I try to creatively stuff things in the stroller.  I'm embarrassed as I try to pretend this was my plan. Inside I'm crying.  I have an Master's degree and a Superior IQ and I can't even buy groceries the correct way.

I can never be equal to my Japanese peers.  I can never become a citizen.  If I get accused of committing a crime, I most likely will be found guilty.  I am always wrong.   I do not have the privilege of discounts provided to tourists, yet do not have the benefits of a citizen.  Even though my daughter has a Japanese name, the city ward office sends all her paperwork with her name in katakana, an alphabet reserved for things that are foreign, things that are different, things that are not Japanese.

Since my child is starting school, we talked about stranger danger.  I asked her if she knew what a stranger was.  She said, "Yes, they try to touch my hair."  My heart broke.  My child has been reduced to an object. When strangers tell her she's cute or a doll, she screams out "NO!"  She tells me she's not a doll.  She's a human.

I wonder when we'll start seeing each other as human.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

The Huangs & Roths

One of our favorite shows to watch is Fresh Off theBoat.  Don’t let the name keep you away.  It’s a very loving comedy about a Taiwanese family that moves from Washington DC to Orlando, Florida in the 90s.  They struggle to keep their Chinese heritage and culture while trying to be a successful middle class family in Florida.  Throw in a handful of nostalgic 90s references (the oldest boy loves hip-hop and rap) and it’s just hilarious.

It’s also our story. 

We relate so much to the Huang family in the show.  They are the Asian family living in white Florida, and we are the white Americans living in Eastern Asia.  We laugh because we can relate to their struggle to learn a new culture as well as keep their own.  For example, on their show you walk into their house and it’s like their own private escape to China.  Our apartment is the same way.  It’s very Americanized (except for our Japanese Tatami room).  Our neighbor kids come over to see how the “other” lives.  

They work hard to celebrate their own culture traditions and holidays, just like we do.  In one episode (The Year of the Rat) they can’t go back to DC for Chinese New Year, so they have to make due with celebrating in Florida.  They are disappointed when they go to the community center where an Asian Culture Appreciation group is hosting a New Year’s Party.  They are the only Chinese people there and somehow the white people have gotten all the details wrong.  Switch to our lives in Japan, and Christmas here is very similar.  We can’t go home, but eating KFC chicken and Christmas cake is not our tradition.  Thankfully, like the Huangs, we have friends in our new land that help us not only keep our culture, but share our traditions.

The third season premiere was this week.  The Huang family went to Taiwan to attend a wedding….and experience reverse culture shock. Jessica, the mother, struggled to do things that she was once good at, such as shopping at the night market.  (It reminded me of the first time I just completely shut down trying to order at restaurant.  Um, what do I say again?)  During one scene, Jessica was walking down the street with her three boys.  She turned to one of the boys and said “who are you?”  She had lost her youngest and another kid was standing with them.  (Her son was standing back 50 meters holding a red flag up that said “Mommy!”).  I laughed so hard.  This is me when we are back in the states.  I remember the first time I took Nozomi to the Mall of America.  I felt so paranoid and on high alert, because if I lost her, every kid looked alike! They all had blonde hair.  This is never an issue when we are the only white family around.

At the end of the episode, the parents were discussing their situation.  The father was regretting moving to the US because perhaps he could have had a better life in Taiwan.  The mother (who is the proudest of her heritage) said that she had changed.  She was glad they had decided to take the risk and come to the US.  But they also talked about how they didn’t really fit in either country. 

“That’s us!”  I said.

And it is.

We’ve weaved our cultures and traditions with the ones we’ve embraced in the many places we've been to become something new.   

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Visitors Welcome! Your Short Guide to Tokyo

Nozomi and I were at the park yesterday when my freshman college roommate sent me a message: Is April a good time to visit?

YES!  I replied.


We absolutely love hosting people and showing them around Tokyo.  We tell all our visitors at church that we secretly moonlight as free tour guides.  That's right, come visit our church and it's very likely Pastor Erik will take you to his favorite ramen restaurant.  Leaders from the South Carolina synod (Japan's companion synod) are coming to visit this spring and we are ecstatic to help plan their trip with the JELC office.

As soon as I find out someone is coming to visit, the wheels in my brain start turning to help them plan their trip.   So here is a short handy guide from the Roth family.

WHEN TO VISIT:
Whenever you can afford it.  It can be expensive to fly here.  The best time to come is during cherry blossom season.  Full blooms are usually end of March beginning of April.  Stay away from the first week of May.  That's Golden week and all of Japan is on vacation for a few days.  The rainy seasons starts mid-June through mid-July, followed by a terrible season of very hot and humid. For those pretty red Maple trees, come in November.  Winters are mild and a great time to head to the mountains to ski.

WHERE TO VISIT IN TOKYO:
We have some favorite spots for our guests who have a limited time (2-3 days):
1. Shinjuku Gyoen National Garden Japanese, English, and French Gardens.  Longest Blooms.
2. Tokyo Metropolitan Building Free Observation Deck.
3. Meiji Shrine
4. Asakusa Temple
5. Takeshita Dori (Harajuku)
6. Hachiko/Shibuya Crossing Most crossed piece of land in the world.
7. Edo-Tokyo Museum Learn the history of Tokyo.  Great for a rainy day.
*Double check if places are open.  Monday is the closed day for most places in Japan.*

For a day trip:
Head to Kamakura to see many beautiful temples and shrines, including the giant buddha.

OUTSIDE OF TOKYO:
1. Kyoto (and Nara if time)  Kyoto is a UNESCO site.
2. Hiroshima
3. Nikko
4. Nagano (if traveling in winter.  You can see the snow monkeys and ski!)
5. Nagasaki (if interested in Japanese Christian History)

HAVE CHILDREN?
We do all our traveling with our toddler.  Tokyo is a great place for kids.  Almost every department store, museum, zoo, public place has a child size toilet and a place to nurse your baby and change a diaper.  You can buy drinks and diapers in many vending machines in these areas.
Here are our favorite kid spots in Tokyo.
1. Asobono (great for a rainy day)
2. Ueno Zoo
3. Niko Niko Park
4. Railway Museum
5. Odakyu Play deck (9th floor) and Shinjuku Train Station (New South Terrace Exit)  We love to watch the trains.  Grab Starbucks or a Krispy Kreme Donut from nearby.

WHERE TO STAY:
We're always on a tight budget.  But if you have the money and want to treat yourself, we usually recommend the Hilton or Hyatt in Shinjuku. It's close to us and has a great breakfast.  The staff is also very helpful.

You should know that hotels charge by the person and do not allow as many people in a room as an American hotel would. If you have a large number of people, children, or want to save money, stay at a traditional Japanese Ryokan.  We love them. Airbnb is also very popular.

HOW TO GET FROM THE AIRPORT:
The best way to get from Narita to Shinjuku (and other locations) is to take the Narita Express Train or the Friendly Limousine Bus. There are lots of friendly people and volunteers who speak English to help you figure this out. It's usually about $30 to get to Shinjuku station.  A taxi will cost you about $200.

MONEY:
We tell people to come with about 20,000 yen ($200) to get to and from the airport.  It's better to get your money from an ATM to get a better rate. 7-11 and Japan Post Office Bank have ATM that accept cards from overseas.  You can withdrawal 50,000yen ($500) at a time.  Be sure to tell your bank your in Japan.

This is a cash country.  For food, travel, and sightseeing you will need cash. Credit Cards are accepted at stores.

TRAVEL IN JAPAN:
Public transportation is awesome.  There are all types of passes you can get to save money. Buy before you come.  It's important to note that the JAPAN RAILPASS does not cover the shinkansen (train) to Kyoto and Hiroshima.  We usually find that unless you are planning to visit many places out of Tokyo and have your trip well planned it's not worth getting this pass.  Google maps does a great job of helping you figure out fares between locations.  Sometimes it's cheaper to fly than take the train.  If staying in Tokyo, you will spend less than $10 a day on public transportation.  Sometimes it's cheaper to take a taxi if you are going a short distance and have a large (4 people) group. Do your research.

WHAT TO EAT:
Um, everything.  Erik always comments that Tokyo has more restaurants per person than any other place in the world.  If you asked me to describe Tokyo: I'd say yummy.  You can eat well on a budget, too.  Lunch is incredibly cheap.  And you can get any type of food here.  With the upcoming 2020 Olympics and an increase in tourism, it's easier to find a restaurant that has an English menu.

HELPFUL WEBSITES:
Japan I Can
Japan Guide
Best Living Japan
Tokyo Metro
JR East

Obviously there is much much more to do and see and places to stay.  These are the ones we are most familiar with and come to the top of our minds.



Friday, September 2, 2016

The MamaChari

Our "new" bicycle: a mamachari.

I am the proud new owner of a gentle used MamaChari.  Last spring my friend was selling her bike because her family was moving back to Europe.  I jumped when she asked if anyone would buy it.

I've put off getting a bicycle for a long time. They come with the same responsibility as owning a car. A bike must be registered with the city.  It also must have insurance.  If you hurt someone while riding, you can be sued for lots of money.  It also has to have a place to park.  And then of course you have to know where you can park it when you are out and about, and the rules of the road.

We've been car free for the last four years, so I've enjoyed the freedom of just going without worrying about these things.  I've put off getting a bike because I was pregnant, Nozomi was so little, and they can be super expensive.  (A new Mamachari can cost you between $1,000-2,000USD).

My friend was gracious and left the bike at the church over summer for us.  We secured a parking spot at our apartment complex.  It cost us $30 (3,000yen) a year to park our bike.  Today we took it to the bike shop to register it.  Paperwork in Japan makes me nervous.  I never know how well I will be able to communicate.  Erik went with me because he speaks better Japanese.  Thankfully the employee at the bike shop spoke English and knew exactly what I wanted when I showed him my papers.

It cost $5 (500 yen)  to register the bike.  After he gave the bike a "check-up", I was able to buy insurance for $20 (2,000 yen)/year.  I am now covered for parking and insurance for the next year. He even showed me how to adjust the seat.

I was then set for my first bike ride home.  The Mamachari is heavier than bikes I've had in the past. I've ridden while pulling kids in a chariot, but this is very different.  My bike has a seat on the front and back, so that I can ride with two children or carry groceries.  The most impressive thing about the bike is that it has a battery to assist with pedaling.  Honestly this scared me the first time I turned it on.  (Ahhh!  The bike is moving on it's own!!!!)  I practiced riding around a while and it felt good to be back on a bike.  It was amazing the first time I used the battery assist to go up hill.  It took no effort to climb up the giant hill by our house.

My husband is super concerned about me riding it, so I'm going to practice more before I take Nozomi on any rides.  I've also already heard comments that I shouldn't ride a bike with my pregnant belly.  I take this like all other pregnancy advice: the rules vary with the culture, just be smart, safe and listen to your body.

So now, for a little while, I fit in with all the other mamas pedaling around Tokyo.


Nozomi demonstrates how many people can fit on a bike in Japan.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Stories from Tokyo Lutheran Church

We asked people that attend the English worship group three questions:
1. What's your name?
2. Where are you from?
3. Why do you attend Tokyo Lutheran Church?

We interviewed many people and heard many wonderful things...but sadly, not all that fits into a short 12 minute video. We hope you enjoy meeting the many people from this congregation.  I think you will find that you have much in common with your brothers and sisters in Christ.

We also challenge you to answer these three questions in response to this video.




Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Summer Missionary Conference

I'm currently sitting surrendered by trees on the beautiful Loyola Retreat and Ecology Center Campus in Woodstock, Illinois (Chicago Area).  Our family is spending the week here with other missionaries, their families and staff from Chicago.  Every two years, long term missionaries do something called homestay.  This is when we visit you, our sponsors, supporters, friends, and family.
We talk with the bishop, we learn how to communicate better with you, we learn how to do boring paper work correctly, we meet with staff, and we eat a lot.  But we also spend time catching up with old friends and sharing the excitement of going out with new missionaries.  We spend time with "our people."  These are the people that understand our joys and burdens the best, because they have similar experiences.

My favorite missionaries are the children.  Our two year old daughter has completely abandoned us for the other missionary kids.  She cried through worship this morning because she wanted to go play with her new friends.  It's been a joy to see our friends children grow and mature. It's been a blessing to sit down together and share meals.

This is our family. These are our people.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Ash Wednesday


Wednesday was Ash Wednesday.  A day where we remember that we came from dust and will return to dust.  I wasn't sure how to explain this to Nozomi.  She doesn't even know about death.  So I just told her that tonight we were going to remember how much Jesus loves us and Daddy would make a cross on her head.  She was really excited about the cross.  Before the service she kept pointing to her forehead and telling people "Daddy is going to make a cross on my head."  It was hard to keep her calm.  Thankful some friends sat with us and drew picture with her.

 In Japan, being a Christian is not something you talk about.  Everyone was very quick to wash off their ashes.  But not the toddler.  

And that's why I can't resist sharing this picture. She proudly wore her ashes down the busy street without a second thought.  I wish we could all have faith like a child.

A couple members also pointed out that Nozomi was dressed in both the Liturgical color and the Year of the Monkey.

 

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Walking Together


"Accompaniment is defined as walking together in a solidarity that practices interdependence and mutuality." ~ELCAWhat a beautiful thing.Except as humans we often mess this up from time to time.  No matter how hard we try, and how good our intentions are, occasionally, our experiences, education, culture, and agendas will muddle this up. Thank goodness for forgiveness and being able to try again.And thank goodness for little children who can teach us how to do it right.We decided to have one of our members and his family over for dinner.  He had his children with him for the holidays and Nozomi had enjoyed playing with them at church.  We made some lasagna and pizza and sat down to enjoy some good food and company while our children played.  It sounds like a normal night with friends, but at our table three different languages were spoken.  And what was going on with the children was even more amazing.Our daughter is two.  Our friends children are five and seven, the oldest a boy. Our daughter speaks mostly English, and the other two children speak mostly Korean.  None of this was a problem. They happily ate pizza and played for well over two hours. It was amazing to watch Nozomi play doctor with the little girl.  The little girl would speak Korean, and Nozomi would respond in English.They were truly present with each other. They treated each other with Christ-like love.  
This is how the ELCA does mission.  We walk together and learn from each other.  We are present with each other.  We struggle and succeed together.  We open up to each other and become vulnerable.  We share and live in Christ's story together.  No matter what our zip code, we are all missionaries sharing God's love.  We are one church.

You don't always have to be the same age or speak the same language to walk beside each other.  You just have to be willing to give the Holy Spirit some space and open your heart a little.  You just need to have a little faith like a child.

Monday, January 4, 2016

Rice Bowl

The 69th Annual Rice Bowl at the Tokyo Dome
2016 is the Year of the Monkey
We took Nozomi-chan to her first ever American Football Game.  Our friends invited us to go with them to the Rice Bowl at the Tokyo Dome. After church we all got dressed in our Packers best and made our way to the Tokyo Dome (which is EXACTLY like the Metrodome: where we had our first date at the Twins game and I studied Summer Hebrew...ah memories!)

There was a long time to get in, but it moved quickly. Security checked our bags.  Big difference here then American stadiums, you can bring foods and drinks, including beer.  We entered the revolving door and my ears felt the pressure.  People were opening your beer for you and pouring it into cups.  (I later found out this was a safety thing to prevent people from throwing full cans of beer). There was also a place for me to check our stroller.  I call it "valet baby car parking."  I threw our coats into a locker for 300yen.
Mesmerized by the Marching Band



So what is the Rice Bowl?
The best college team plays against the best company team (I think similar to when the Packers were the ACME Packing Company Team).  We cheered for the college team, the Ristumeikan University Panthers who played the Panasonic Impulse.  

The game is very entertaining in of itself.  There were so many turnovers, it was hard to keep track of the ball.  We are unsure of the exact rules that are played, but the game has the same skill level as a D4 game.  I've never seen so many lateral/flea-flicker plays trick plays.  On one play, the Quarterback for the Impulse intentionally grounded the ball.  All the referees had to gather and discuss what exactly happened before they threw the penalty flag.  They then had to explain it over the loudspeaker because no one knew what was wrong. I think there were maybe 4 flags thrown the whole game.  We joked that it would be very dishonorable in Japanese culture to get a penalty against you, so no one breaks the rules.

Nozomi LOVED the game.  She never got tired of looking around.  We were seated near the college team and their cheerleaders.  She really loved Panta, the mascot panther.  We had been seated only about five minutes when the camera caught us and put our blonde hair cheerleader on the Jumbotron. Her other favorite part was watching the Band at Halftime.  She would not stop pointing.

Mama Look! 
Other notable differences:
-Beer/Soda/Food is not marked up significantly.  Prices were about the same as at many restaurants.
-People eat Takoyaki (fried balls of octopus) & Yakisoba (fried noddles)
-There was "Quarter Time" between quarters
-Everyone is careful to throw their trash away in the bins.

Sadly, the Panthers lost to the Impulse.  It came down to a missed field goal.  The whole game was close and exciting.